Introduction
I admit to selfish motives in penning this piece. How one comes to allegiance and obedience to Christ is an intensely personal story. And, others may likely find nothing in it to identify with from their own experience.
But for me, at this point in my life, it is important for me to describe how my life was turned inside out if only for the benefit of my progeny if no one else. This is that story.
Life as a Youth
I was a prototypical, average, midwestern kid. I got in some trouble once, but there was absolutely no drama involved. I went to my parent’s church but had absolutely no thought of God outside of that church.
I do recall one telling event from this period in my life. One evening, while sitting in the car outside the High School waiting for my dad to come out (where he taught band), I remember formalizing in my mind that my allegiances were; first to God, second to family, and third to country. So, at this point in my life, I would guess you could call me a Diest. I believed there was God. But I didn’t yet have any firm commitments to Christ.
Family and Career
After marriage, our first child and a move, we decided that it would be best “for the kid(s)” to expose them to Christian beliefs and ethics. So, we began regularly attending a local church where we encountered an extremely gifted teacher and pastor who began the long task of opening my eyes to Christ.
In way of confession, though I ended up serving as a deacon of that church, I was no more a Christ-follower than the man-in-the-moon. I had no relationship with the Spirit of God. Worse, I didn’t even know, because I had never been told, that that was the plan!
Career Life
During my working life I wasn’t a Christian in that I didn’t follow Christ. But I attended and help administer a few churches.
During this time, I became exposed to Chuck Swindoll who at that time was pastoring a church in Orange County (First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton) and broadcasting messages on the radio that I listened to. In him, I could sense Christ, and so I paid particular attention to his words and his heart.
It was in helping lead one of my churches that I got to see up close and personally, as a result of a church split, how people who called themselves “Christian” actually behaved and thought. It was at this point that I came to understand that there are self-professed Christians, and then there are true disciples of Christ.
Light in a Hut
As I approached and entered retirement, I was a Christ-seeker. During this time, Dallas Willard‘s teachings transformed my understanding of the meaning of much of the New Testament. I watched all of his videos and bought and read all of his books and learned from him what God’s grace was (and is), and how its purpose is to enable the sincere Christ-follower to overcome every impediment.
Then I got involved in a Christian development charity whose purpose was to sponsor church planting and economic development projects in Ethiopia. On one of my mission trips there, we were evangelizing in a rural village. We had stopped in the hut of a woman whose husband was out working in the fields. We waited some time for him to return but he didn’t. So, we stood to pray for the woman and her household before leaving, all holding hands around the circular hut. As we prayed God’s love and provision for her and her family, I had a God experience. While praying I “heard” a voice saying: “You think that’s love? This is love.”
At that point, I experienced a sensation of power and overwhelming love that really can’t be described. It felt like some kind of energy being transmitted throughout those of us in the prayer circle with a presence of intense light[i] enveloping us.
Revelation
So following this experience I knew two things: first, that Christ was everything the Bible said He was, and; second, that I had a lot of work to do to learn everything I possibly could about God/Christ so that I could live in obedience to Him.
And that’s what I’ve been trying to do ever since. Lots of books (particularly those describing spiritual maturation). Lots of online video messages and workshops and classes. And as much writing as I was comfortable sharing as I learn.
Transformation
Now you may ask: “How do you truly know you’ve been changed by God?” Paul describes the regeneration of the newly minted Christian in these ways (among others):
[1] There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom 8)
[17] Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Cor 5)
[22] to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, [23] and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, [24] and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. (Eph 4)
I experienced several dramatic changes following my experience. As indicated by the Romans verse, I no longer felt guilty for my former separation from God as my conscience had placed in me previously. I felt at peace, as I yet do. It’s as if I no longer have a displeased disciplinarian inspecting my life, but a Father who is merciful and patient.
Most profoundly, virtually all my motivations changed (as announced in the 2 Cor 5 verse). My interests used to include watching “entertainment” on TV, movies, and the occasional fiction book. Afterward, I lost interest in these things almost completely and rather developed a kind of compulsion to study and understand the Bible. That’s my overriding interest to this day (some 15 or so years on). Interestingly, if anything, the compulsion seems to be increasing. (I estimate I spend now about 16 hours a week on Bible study, research or writing on what I’ve learned.)
And, as for “put off your old self” (Ephesians 4), this is a constant vocation. Even with the Spirit of God living inside of you, you don’t change who you were for 60+ years without a struggle. Issues of anger, selfishness, and the like are tough adversaries and they claw at you to maintain their control on you. These adversaries need to be resisted daily.
AW Tozer, in “The Pursuit of God”, puts it like this:
The ancient curse will not go out painlessly; the tough, old miser within us will not lie down and die obedient to our command. He must be torn out of your heart like a plant from the soil; he must be extracted in agony and blood like a tooth from the jaw. He must be expelled from our soul by violence as Christ expelled the moneychangers from the temple. And we shall need to steel ourselves against his piteous begging, and to recognize it as springing out of self-pity, one of the most reprehensible sins of the human heart.
The good news is that the more I resist, the easier it gets.
Confession
But I have this as a confession. Despite the indwelling of God’s Spirit in me, and all that I know about His work and my mission as a Christ-follower, I have not yet succeeded in loving my neighbor as myself. For this, I have no excuse. I just know that this is my reality.
It’s easy for me to be indignant, even (righteously?) angry at those who oppose God (which we are, sadly, reminded of increasingly in the news). But it’s virtually impossible for me to love them in any reasonable sense of the word (agápē). This is my part that is “piteously begging” to maintain its hold.
Clearly, the work of the Spirit in sanctification is far, far from complete in me.
The Way Forward
Despite my current immaturity in the Lord, I have complete and utter confidence that “he who began a good word in you will bring it to completion” (Phil 1:6).
The process of becoming a Christ-follower is a process of relentless abdication of personal possession. And while I understand this principle completely, and agree with it whole-heartedly, I, for one, have not completed the abandonment of my “possessions” – my time, my treasure, my willingness to not hide from the needs around me but to do what I can for them, no matter how inadequately. At least I know that for many (as represented by my experience), it is not a one-time flash of sanctification. It is a life-long vocation. If your experience is similar, you should not be dismayed but thankful that you are indeed in the process of passing through the narrow gate (Mt 7:13-14).
[i] I have only recently come to understand that the Eastern Orthodox are familiar with this phenomenon and call it the “uncreated light”, “divine light” or “Tabor light”, after the mountain in the Galilee on which Peter, James, and John observed Jesus’ glorified transfiguration.
Leave a Reply